Bullies and power-grabbers
As this wonderful graphic from Hugh McLeod says: The world will conspire to make you less than you are, so decide what you are going to do about it, then act.
The world is full of people who will try and make you feel small. These can be friends, colleagues, bosses, teachers, partners…They are out there and we all encounter them.
When you come across people who need to exert their power over you with dismissive and diminishing behaviors you need to recognize, that as with all bullying, it is always about them, and never about you.
I have written in the past about defending against bullies and power-grabbers, also did a webinar on dealing with Bullies and Sabotage.
But but defending against these actively negative people in your work and life is not the important point I want to make today, which is…
Do not give away your power voluntarily.
I made this short video as part of my “I’ll answer anything” series. (1:40)
(Please excuse the audio blips and sync problems.)
Don’t give your power away voluntarily!
Let me explain what I mean by this.
When you meet a person who you are very impressed by because they are more accomplished than you in some way, you must resist the urge to think: “I’m not as good as you”.
That is what I mean by giving away your power voluntarily.
There are many successful, impressive people who are not bullies. They are NOT trying to make you feel like you are less than you are. They are just being their (impressive) selves.
Stop doing it to yourself!
Stop giving your own power away when no one is attempting to take it, just because you are impressed.
When you meet someone who really impresses you, try instead to appreciate them, admire them, and learn from them — just never compare yourself to them!
If you compare yourself to someone else and then say to yourself, “I’m not as good as you, I’m not as impressive as you”, you have diminished yourself unnecessarily.
Keep and build your self confidence
Think about it this way…
If your self confidence can only come from comparing yourself to someone that you can feel superior to, YOU will become one of those people who needs to make others feel like less than they are.
You are much better off to surround yourself with accomplished, talented people that you can learn from. Then use your experience with them to become more accomplished yourself. You’ll gain some self-confidence for real — because you got better.
Comparing yourself in a way that leaves you feeling smaller, is not useful. You are giving your power away voluntarily.
What do you think?
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Patty Azzarello is an executive, best-selling author, speaker and CEO/Business Advisor. She became the youngest general manager at HP at the age of 33, ran a billion dollar software business at 35 and became a CEO for the first time at 38 (all without turning into a self-centered, miserable jerk)
You can find Patty at www.AzzarelloGroup.com, follow her on twitter or facebook, or read her book RISE…3 Practical Steps for Advancing Your Career, Standing Out as a Leader, AND Liking Your Life.